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Question by bazooka: What can I do to make things work and make life easier for my partner?
Some background detail:
My boyfriend and I have been together for just over 2 and a half years. We have a solid relationship with the regular ups and downs of a young couple (I am 22 and he is 23). In the past, we both promised each other that in the event of infidelity, we would have the decency to tell one other in order to maintain and honest relationship. (Please not this was never permission to stray).
I am a paranoid person. I have given my boyfriend many a headache stressing over the smallest things - never once thinking that I would be the one to cheat - always looking over my shoulder and never considering my part in our life together - yet he stuck by me and has never once given me any reason to doubt his affection for me.
I'm going to put this in (not by any means as an excuse) but for the purposes of background information. We have been (over the last year) having less and less sex - probably around once or twice a month - sometimes more and sometimes less. This, although, painful in the beginning, I have become accustomed to as it is mostly m fault as I often ask for sex and stress about why we aren't having any - which pushes my boyfriend further from wanting sex. I have exhausted this issue with him (and yet he still stuck by me).
The Cheating:
I went to gym recently and sat in the sauna afterwards - which I always do - I'll admit that it is nice to see other men but I never considered doing anything with any of them. Then, about a week ago, a man sat next to me in the sauna and I could see he was looking but though nothing of it. He then proceeded to touch me - which I told him I am uncomfortable with - yet I never left. We spoke for a while (he apologised and said he is new to the area) after which he touched me again. I stopped him again but then without thinking I touched him back - which I immediately regretted and then I got up and left.
I told my boyfriend about him randomly touching me but I left out the part of me touching him back. I spoke to a friend of mine the next day who said - he does not think that I should say anything. Later that night I told my boyfriend I felt guilty that I had been attracted to this guy (which I did) and he told me that if anything more happened I can tell him and we will deal with it. I wanted to say what happened but I couldn't. The next day I left for my parents place and decided that night that I could not keep this from him and he has a right to know.
He listened and we dealt with it - he forgave me but expressed his frustration that I never told him when I had been given the opportunity to (I am a coward - I know) and that we will deal with it.
He has been moody for the past few days - which I fully understand and obviously support but until today things have been OK. Today I tried to initiate sex with him - hoping that it would make us feel better and he turned me down - which is not unusual - but i asked him and he says it is because of what happened. He says he feel disinterested in the relationship but doesn't want to waste it and would rather give it time to see how his feelings change.
How can I support him through this? I feel like a horrible person and every time I stop for a few minutes I get pangs of regret and self-hatred. If i could die instead of what happened - I would honestly rather have that as I love this guy more than anything. How can I support him and help build his trust in me again? It is rich coming from me now but he can trust me - I never set out for this to happen nor do i want or intend it to happen again.
Sorry for the long message.
Thanks
Best answer:
Answer by meghanisradxd Let him deal with it. He needs time, like he said, to figure out how he feels. By the sounds of it he cares about you very much and just needs time to cope with the situation.
Don't keep pushing him to get over it as that will push him farther and farther away from you. Just try and be there for him, and if he doesn't want it, don't do it.
Sorry, I know that's a tough situation. I hope everything turns out for the better.
Question by Blake: What's some sexual things my boyfriend and i can do without sex?
im not ready to have sex. my boyfriend is 2 years older than me(17) and he is ready..i told him that im not and he said ok. ill wait till your ready. i still want some sexual fun things to do with him..Whats some fun mature things?
Best answer:
Answer by Omar Sorry for this language but. You can have oral sex, give blowjobs, hug, kiss, snuggle.
Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!
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